Here’s a helpful hint.

Don’t walk up to a complete stranger (who, for the record, is minding her own business), look at her carefully, and then say the following:

“Have you ever thought about getting a Botox injection?”

Because that? Just happened to me.

I’m not even lying.

I even looked around for Ashton Kutcher, with my wrinkled forehead. No cameras. I was not being punk’d.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the prune head formerly known as Blog This Mom! Gah.

(Downy Wrinkle Releaser and dog photos totally stolen from some websites after a Google search.)

36 comments on “What Not to Say”

  1. What, did this person invent Botox or something? And sales are down? They have to solicit in the streets now? And women with up-to-that-moment smooth, untroubled foreheads, yet?

  2. @Sarah: Downy Wrinkle Releaser.

    Also, Laura, who has NOT read this post, is making my Sims 3 game character on her computer right now. She JUST asked me if I wanted her to leave out the lines around my eyes. WTF today? WTF-ityF?

  3. I want to know what YOU said to her after that! Ry thinks wrinkles are freckles and freckles are wrinkles, so you don’t really have wrinkles, you have freckles. Freckles.

  4. The woman has mental health issues. That has to be the explanation. And if you got wrinkles? You earned them & deserve respect.

  5. so…just wondering…after she said that….how many people did it take to get her out of the headlock you had her in???

    …if you were standing in the middle of a cosmetic counter, surrounded by de-wrinkle this and pull’em up that…and she was wearing a name tag that made you think she worked there….maybe…MAYBE….and if she were drunk…yeah..THEN I’d say…whatever.
    Ninja her ass? i’ll come help. she was probably young and can run fast…I’ll help Gary…i can cause a diversion.

  6. As much as I try to convince myself I don’t care about all the anti-aging products & procedures out there (I shall grow old naturally & gracefully – uh-huh, right…) I might have shed a few tears had someone said that to me. Or been tempted to smack their (unlined?) face.
    I’ve seen your pictures – you’re beautiful!

  7. Beth: Maybe I laugh to hide my true feelings (a survival skill from childhood, for sure), but I immediately wished I had my own hidden camera when that woman said that to me because you can’t make up stuff that funny. Also, I’m taking courses at the School of Acceptance & Gratitude — I have earned my wrinkles and gray hairs, so I may as well enjoy them! 🙂

  8. What the hell would make someone think it was okay to say that?

    Have you seen Christa Miller-Lawrence (Ellie) on Cougar Town? Her face does. not. move. If that’s the alternative, I’ll take my wrinkles any day.

  9. someone said that to me once, well, after I asked ‘ do you think I need botox?’ and she said yes!

    A furrowed brow is a sign of a life well lived. Or something like that. Right?

  10. You should have immediately responded with, “Oh, yeah, no, maybe, whatever,” in a mumble, followed by a loud and clear, ‘By the way, WHEN IS YOUR BABY DUE?”

    For the record, if I had any spare cash laying around at the moment, it would totaly get injected right into the PANAMA CANAL etched between my eyebrows. Just saying.

  11. @Shana: I no longer get asked if I’m pregnant, a side benefit of needing Botox. I was once asked if I was Laura’s grandmother. I’m not even lying about that either. I was 39 when I had her, so I suppose that I could be . . . but really? Who asks this sort of stuff of strangers? Gah. I just ate a piece of cold pizza. I figure if I eat enough of it, I’ll puff up and my wrinkles will naturally flatten out. Good plan, right? Heh.

  12. botox is just temporary.
    and it’s a toxin. it can give you droopy eyelids. you can experience difficulty swallowing. even worse, botox can cause chest pain or double vision.
    its better to just grow your bangs long.
    or wear glasses, because then nobody looks at your forehead anymore.
    or grow some cleavage, that works for hiding forehead wrinkles too.

  13. I didn’t think anything could trump. “when are you due?” but I think this does. holy cow. For the record, your face looks FLAWLESS from here.

  14. No, YOU ask HER when HER baby is due. No matter how thin she is. If she’s not thin, OH, SNAP. If she is, her skinny ass will be standing in front of the mirror looking for the bump for a week. WIN/WIN. PS: If your offer to burn my kitchen down still stands, I may be sending you a plane ticket. Because? Suckity suck suck to packing. Also? The plane ticket would probably be kind of a bus ticket. Because? Brokity broke broke.

  15. What was your response? You should have said “Have you ever thought of getting a full set of false teeth?” before knocking their teeth out…

    …or is that not your kind of style?

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