If you were expecting to find out who won the photo caption contest and $25 Amazon gift card, come back tomorrow. When the contest ended at 11:59 PM last night, could Tom be bothered to get out of bed and pick a winner? Pbffft! And then this morning? He was all, “I have a 9 o’clock meeting.” Whatever. I can’t believe he’d let a little thing like earning a living interfere with my photo contest. Annoying.

In other news, the partial toenail that remained after enduring various procedures and an injection started to come off over the weekend.

Sure, I could have booked my standard Monday morning pedicure with the hot toe doctor to have him remove the nail for me, providing me with more post fodder and possible photos.

But I opted to remove the toenail myself.

You may be wondering why.

I had to teach the hot toe doctor a lesson.

At my last appointment? I found out he’s seeing other patients.

You might be wondering how I found out. I used my CIA skillz. When I was lead into the examination room? The paper on the table was crinkled. Someone had been in there before me. Also? There was some casting material residue on the floor. So I’m guessing it was serious.

I’m considering telling the hot toe doctor that I’ve taken up with someone else, too. You all know that I’ve already married Adam Lambert in my mind. (Laura was the flower girl. She wouldn’t wear a dress. But Adam did. Tom caught the bouquet.) Of course, after finding out that Adam Lambert and Kristen went to high school together (as in the same high school), I might be better off keeping news of this particular imaginary marriage on the down low. Except that Adam Lambert graduated from high school two whole years before Kristen did, so that makes it okay, right?

Meanwhile . . . back to my toe because this supposed to be about me.

After I removed my toenail, new symptoms were uncovered:

There is a vaccine being developed for this, right?

(Wedding photo of Adam Lambert courtesy of Google Images.)

30 comments on “Tom is Annoying and New Toe Symptoms Have Developed”

  1. That piggy won’t be off to the market soon. I agree that Swine Toe just isn’t marketable largely due to government reaction to Swine flu and banning imports and exports from everywhere.

    I’m sorry that you feel jilted by the Hawt Doctor. Perhaps he’ll realize the error of his ways following reading your post. He should have known better.

  2. There are just too many jokes that can be made about that photo. I still think you shoulda gone back in for another look, I mean checkup, with the hot toe doctor.

  3. I have one of those husbands too! They think that just because they have some important meeting that they can leave you in the dust!! I think not!!! I AM A PRINCESS!!! Well, according to my father I am.

    Thinking good thoughts for your toe! 😉

  4. Are you just trying to let me down easily…? I mean, really, I might just have to remove one of my own toenails so that I can finally meet this doctor you speak of.

  5. Sarah,

    Adding an extra “e” to someone’s name is a little-known symptom of swine toe.

    People add an extra “e” to my name all the time. There may be many more cases of swine toe than we realized.



  6. It’ll grow back, man. It’ll take friggin forever, but it’ll come back. I lost my big toenail way back in about October of 2007 due to massive toe injury. Then it started growing back messed up and part of it (though not all of it) was removed again. And it’s still not all the way grown out now in May of 2009. I harbor hope, however, that some day I will have a normal toenail again.

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