Step 1: Warm up

STRETCH your upper body and neck by reaching to the top shelf of the pantry for the candy stash you hid from your family.

STRETCH your lower body and hamstrings by bending down to pick up the candy bag you dropped because it is so heavily laden with delicious booty.

Step 2: Strength training

LIFT the candy bag and carry it to the coffee table.

SQUAT and sit down on the couch to sort through mass quantities of candy looking for one ten all of the M&Ms.

FEEL THE BURN when you discover that the little traitor you gave birth to traded with her friends most of the M&Ms for Reese’s.

Step 3: Cardio

RUN to the computer to tweet the following message: Why do these candies say “fun size”? The big package should be labeled “fun size” and the small should be labeled “not as fun size.”

RUN back to the couch for more candy.

RUN to the trashcan to hide the wrappers inside of an empty yogurt container throw away the wrappers.

RUN back to the couch with an increased heart rate from the sugar and chemical rush cardio portion of your workout.

Step 4: Cool down

RECLINE on the couch.

STRETCH and reach for your iPhone to send a text message to your friend about M&Ms.

STRETCH and reach for your iPhone to read a text message from your friend about Reese’s.

TAKE DEEP BREATHS upon learning that there is such a thing as dark chocolate Reese’s.

Advanced Program: Circuit training

JUMP off of the couch.

RUN to the pantry.

STRETCH while reaching for the candy bag on top shelf.

SQUAT down and sit on the pantry floor.

LIFT the candy bag, sort through its contents, find no dark chocolate Reese’s, and curse.

WALK back to the couch feeling sad.

RECLINE and pout.



(Graphics courtesy of Google images.)

27 comments on “The Halloween Candy Workout: A Step-by-Step Guide”

  1. If you throw all the candy into the trash can and then sneak it out later, I’ve heard it doesn’t count! 🙂

    And, YUM, dark chocolate reese! How many points do you suppose those are?

    BTW, I like your kind of workout! I think it will MOST DEFINITELY count as ACTIVITY points that you can exchange in order to EAT more Halloween candy! You may just have the perfect way to DO weight watchers! 🙂

  2. I seriously love you. If I didn’t already love you, you would have gotten me head-over-heels with that tweet.
    And She? I want to be in YOUR Weight Watchers group!

  3. Who knew you were also a personal trainer?

    And I’m feeling kinda important-y for being the one to enlighten you about dark chocolate Reese’s. It’s like you’ll never be able to forget me now!

  4. Oh! That gave me quite a chuckle this morning. I used to do those workouts every year. This year, no kids at home, ergo no candy stash. *sigh* My BFF Jenny Craig says not to worry, yogurt is good! But alas, it is not dark chocolate.

  5. This was funny! And SO true! I actually bought a dark chocolate Reese’s the other day in Target because I had NEVER seen them. I love dark chocolate, but believe it or not, I like regular Reese’s better. Keep up the good work, Coach!

  6. LOL!

    I’ve added an additional spin: get the dh to hide the candy stash (espec. my beloved Rockets!). I still haven’t found them.

    Serves me right trying to eat a full 3 lb package of Rockets on my own. I’ve outsmarted myself and feel frustrated…

  7. The only thing more fun than doing this workout would be doing it with you. The workout, that is. Not the proverbial “it”. That is, unless you want it to be the proverbial “it” in which case I would write “it” in all caps: “IT”.

    The only thing more fun than doing this workout would be doing IT with you.

    There.

  8. My work-out is in the office – walk out of the cubicle down the hall to the reception desk; take only one “fun size” snickers from the dish, walk back to the cubicle. Walk out of the cubicle down the hall to the reception desk; take only one pack of Smarties from the dish, walk back to the cubicle….you get the picture.

    My co-worker has transferred the Halloween candy from her home to the office, figuring its better to feed it to us than to her kids.

  9. you’re too funny.
    and while reading your post, i reached in a drawer and pulled out a nestle’s crunch. thanks for reminding me.
    yes, the m&ms are already gone.
    you’re right about the fun size:
    next time, super size me please.

  10. Ah, if only this workout actually worked. I’ve almost worked through my stash—I dumped a ton in a gift basket for a neighbor when her mother died—not selflessly because I really was starting to make my sick on the stuff. M&Ms—yum.

  11. My favorite workout. You described it so beautifully! However, Friday night, while making S’mores at a camp fire, a couple girlfriends and I reflected on how we’re spoiled by good chocolate and Hershey’s doesn’t cut it anymore…

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