Sorry to leave all three of you hanging . . . but I was on vacation, yo. And guess what else? My scanner, hard drive, and emails waited until I came home to take their vacations. This greatly impacted the amount of fun I have wasting time on Facebook my productivity. But I fixed the scanner, hard drive, and email situation . . . and I didn’t even have to call my son-in-law (who happens to be an Apple Genius, just saying). (You’re welcome, SIL.)

So, now that I can scan stuff for blogging purposes, send and receive 578 emails daily with Kate and Trish, and upload photos to Facebook again I’m able to work again, I have a two-for-one message. True story. I’m going to reveal why Jeff Probst would never vote me off his island and throw in a special back-to-school public service announcement.

We all know (because I brag a lot) that I have awesome hair, mad ice cream- and pizza-making skillz, and that I’m a whiz with Photoshop. Also, everyone but one person thinks that my chocolate challah bread pudding is mouthwatering, but that’s a post for another day. I may or may not be slightly stalker-y, but that’s only with one man and that’s because he sings like an angel and has bedazzled eyes. Duh. But none of these are the reason that Jeff Probst would never vote me off his island.

As it happens, Laura keeps a Survivor water bottle on her desk at school, which sparked a conversation between me and her teacher last semester. I told her that my husband and I have seen every episode of every season of Survivor. And in the last few years, Laura has become a Survivor fan too. You know how some guys remember the college stats of professional ball players and such like? Zzzzz. Oh! Sorry! I wrote the words “professional ball players” and dozed off for a second. Anywho. Laura remembers Survivor stats. It isn’t just that she remembers who won each season. She can tell you every person’s name from each tribe, who voted out whom, who was in an alliance with whom, and such like. I wonder if we could teach her to do that with cards and take her to Vegas? Anyway, I also told Laura’s teacher that I threw a Survivor party for Tom’s 40th birthday, which is also a post for another day.

In short (as if I ever am), Laura’s teacher knew that we are devoted Survivor fans.

And, as it turns out, Laura’s teacher has family who work on Survivor and know Jeff Probst.

ARE WE THERE YET? Almost.

So why would Jeff Probst never vote me off his island?

Amongst the aforementioned mad skillz and traits that I have, I am badass when it comes to helping with teacher prep work. I love to cut, paste, mount, photocopy, organize, laminate, file, punch holes, staple, sort, clip, stand on chairs and hang up stuff, and basically do any work that teachers need done. I love it. I really do. I have my greatest moments of zen when I’m cutting and pasting stuff for a teacher. True story. Also, I liked being the teacher’s pet when I was a kid, and apparently I still like it.

So because I have no life, job, or skills besides owning awesome hair and being able to blend strawberries and cream into a frozen concoction that helps anyone who tastes it hang on would come into the classroom on a moment’s notice and help a lot with prep last year, Laura’s teacher sent me a bunch of Survivor stuff. I got the signed photo from Jeff (we’re on a first name basis, obviously), a signed hat, other hats, visors, shirts, buffs, and such like.

Now, for the public service announcement.

School is back in session for many, many children and their hard-working teachers. Help out a teacher in any way that you can. Volunteer. It’s a good thing to do. And you never know who your child’s teacher might know. Heh. But seriously, folks. I will be volunteering to help Laura’s teacher again this year, and not because of who she might know. Although you know I’d be less than honest if I didn’t say right now that a little part of me hopes that Laura’s teacher is BFFs with Adam Lambert.

25 comments on “The Big Reveal: Why Jeff Probst Would Never Vote Me Off His Island”

  1. So. At the risk of being voted off your island, I have to confess to never having seen an entire episode of Survivor, and to never having felt that I was missing something important.

    I hope we can still be friends.

    Also? Your word verification wants me to type basil. Heh.

  2. We loved survivor too and it used to rate well here but now they put it on at weird hours on cable and we are about a bazillion series behind. So now we don’t watch it anymore.

    Be nice to everyone… You never know who they might be friendly with…

  3. I have to admit that I, also, have never really watched Survivor….it’s not on here and watching on the little computer screen just gets old. i’m so sorry. can i visit the island? i’ll bring treats.

    I remember when i was teaching in the States…I loved my parent and grandparent volunteers….you have definitely earned some special wings, my crazy angel friend, you!!

  4. that is pretty bad ass… and I thought I was hot stuff because I know the family that used to own the land on which the “Samoa” season was filmed… now I am faced with my lameness and need to extinguish my own tiki torch.

  5. Fab.U Lous. So jealous. I used to have sex dreams about Jeff Probst when I was pregnant with Sam. True story. Had a hard time looking the television in the face everytime I watched him after that.

  6. Very very cool! I too have watched all the survivors, but I can’t ever remember what happened on any of them because I’m too busy doing my own teacher prep. :)Would you like to come and volunteer in my room? I don’t know anyone famous.

  7. So I started the post thinking, “Jeff Who?” but your mad writing skillz kept me on the edge of my seat and laughing, too. I miss the days of cutting out stuff for the teacher (my complete lack of any craft abilities got me fired from anything besides cutting paper….) What an awesome teacher for hooking you up!

    If her new teacher knows Adam, well, we’ll NEVER hear from you again as you’ll be permanently stationed in her supply cabinet, doing Stuff…

  8. What luck! What a hat!
    Now, fingers crossed that Adam and your daughter’s new teacher are first cousins…
    I’m so glad to finally be able to volunteer IN the classroom this year. I’ve never had all 3 boys in school all day before this fall and it’s been a dream of mine. To volunteer. Okay, AND to have all 3 in school all day.

  9. (Blush: I’ve never watched Survivor too.)

    That said, what a promo you’ve made for volunteering! Will you manage to keep it to yourself or have to share the loot with Laura? (Okay, add Tom too!) Hmmm…. perhaps that is a new Survivor series theme?

  10. Other than my use of severe profanity during some of my posts, you and I are cut from the same cloth (I said that because you like to cut and paste). I also have terrific hair! See! Match made in heaven!
    And if you were to go on Survivor and could somehow prepare your famous recipes, for sure you wouldn’t get voted off. I wouldn’t get voted off either (but mostly because I’d be batting my eyes at Jeff in a most inappropriate manner! That man is hot!)
    Love the cap! You deserve it for being teacher’s pet!

  11. Stop that! Wow. You live such a glamorous life, Cheri.

    Now get that a glamorous life up here to my neck of the woods and get busy in my classroom. I have all kinds of cutting, pasting, laminating and other stuff you could do. And you are already my pet.

  12. i am trying to think of *anything* i can remember word-for-word, statistically, or even clearly remembered in the same way laura remembers survivor details.
    i can’t.
    it is a major easter egg hunt in my brain to remember what i made for dinner last night.
    i’m not stupid. although i have done stupid things. it’s not the same.
    i think maybe i saw twenty minutes of survivor once, but possibly that was another show called lost. i can’t remember. lost and survivor sound interchangeable, like bob and bob. nevermind that they might be completely different.
    you take sally and i’ll take sue, there ain’t no difference between the two
    i wouldn’t vote you off the island. not if you can make pizza. not if you can help chucking coconuts and stuff. not if you throw survivor parties.
    i’m pretty sure i wouldn’t confuse you for sally or sue or bob.

  13. You are funny ma’am. You make me smile, chuckle and sometimes laugh. And your mind seems to work like mine (back-talking little bugger that it is…)

    All this to say “Why don’t I get some of that baking goodness sister??”

    Whoops, I meant, “You bring light to our dim world.”

  14. I can’t volunteer in my own kid’s classrooms but I do help the school system by keeping one special teacher spoiled with vacations to Disneyland, generous wine pours and pretty boots.

    If she is happy, her students have a better learning experience 🙂

    -Stu

  15. I wish a) you lived close to me and had a kid in my class and b) I had things for you to cut & paste if you did live here. Though I couldn’t really offer you anything as cool as the Jeff bling.

    If Laura’s teacher can swing something from JT to me, I will drive to your neighborhood and teach her classes for a week…

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