1. A duck asks a guy, “Do you have any grapes?” The guy says, “No.” Then the duck asks, “Do you have any grapes?” And the guy says, “No.” The duck asks again, “Do you have any grapes?” The guy says, “No.” And then the guy says, “If you ask for grapes one more time, I’m going to nail your feet to the ground.” So the duck asks, “Do you have any nails?” The guy says, “No.” Then the duck asks, “So, do you have any grapes?”

2. Q: What do you call a duck wearing a hat?
A: A duck.

3. Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stomp on things.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stomp on ducks.

4. Q: Where would an elephant like to live?
A: Tuscany.

5. Q: What is the quietest sport?
A: Bowling, because you can hear a pin drop.

6. Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with hiccups.

7. Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.

8. Q: Why do fish live in salt water
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze.

9. Q: How do you warm up a room after it’s been painted?
A: Give it a second coat.

10. Q: Why did the penny, but not the quarter, jump off the cliff?
A: The quarter had more cents.

11. Q: Did you just pick your nose?
A: No, I’ve had it since I was born.

12. Q: What did one broom say to the other?
A: Have you heard the latest dirt?

*sigh* I might start skipping breakfast.

7 comments on “List Day Two: Funny Things I Heard Today While I Was Eating My Cereal”

  1. I LERVE #11.

    And #1 is an old favorite of David’s and mine, though we tell it differently, with “bread” instead of grapes (why grapes?) and a lot more yelling and profanity. 🙂

  2. I love these!!! I’m printing them out to “quiz” my son (who could use the extra English-humor) and my students…they won’t get them,but I’ll laugh!!

  3. Sam: Do ducks like grapes? I don’t know why. I’ll ask her and get back to you. Laura likes ducks, so as you can see, she took some liberties in the re-telling of these jokes.

    Hey, Jenn: Ah hem. These are second -grader jokes. Ah hem.

    Does this make us Bossy groupies? Hee hee.

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