1. Between Courtney and the physician’s assistant before Courtney’s laser eye surgery last week:

Assistant: [going over post-op instructions with Courtney]: I have to go over a few of the written instructions with you, so bear with me. Do you understand there to be a difference between immediately and ASAP?

Courtney: I feel that there is.

Assistant: And what do you understand the difference to be?

Courtney: Immediately means do it right away. ASAP means that I can take a pee first.

Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]

2. Between Kristen and Courtney on Easter, discussing Courtney’s recent post-op stay at home:

Courtney: Try sleeping in Mom’s office. The printer has a light on it that glows at night.

Kristen: It can’t be as bad as when Adam brought the laptop to bed the other night. I barely opened up my eyes, saw the glow, and thought that I was being abducted by aliens.

Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]

3. Between Tom and Adam, while playing Wii at Adam and Kristen’s place:

Tom [holding Adam’s Wiimote]: What’s with the ribbed-for-her-pleasure handgrip, Adam?

Adam: It’s a Wii condom, Tom.

Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]

4. Between Cheri and Adam, at Adam and Kristen’s place:

Me: Where did you get the awesome nightlight?

Adam: Oh, you mean Jesus?

Me: It’s Mary you damned atheist [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe].

5. Between Adam and Laura, while Cheri was driving in San Francisco:

Adam [navigating]: Turn right on Haight.

Laura: I don’t think you mean to say hate, Adam. It’s a very strong word.

Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]

6. While driving back to San Jose from San Francisco:

Laura: Mom, what’s your favorite sport?

Me: Swimming.

Laura: Dad, what’s your favorite sport?

Dad: Gymnastics.

Laura: Kristen, what’s your favorite sport?

Kristen: Wii tennis.

Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]

7. After dinner tonight:

Click on over to ClunkClunk for this one.

Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]

12 comments on “List Day Twenty-Four: “Classified” Conversations”

  1. Yup! Very funny family, indeed! I liked the difference between ASAP and imediately and the Mary night light one.

    On another note- ya gotta wonder what happened to that girl as a kid to make her so afraid of pickles. I mean some phobias are just plain silly but this is beyond anything I have seen.

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