Tom:

Last night as Laura lay feverish on the couch, we watched Jeopardy. We’ve been watching Jeopardy fairly regularly over the years, all of us shouting out answers in the form of a question, and occasionally impressing each other when one of us correctly belts out some obscure fact that none of the others or our television counterparts knew. We worked ourselves up into a gosh-darned frenzy during Ken Jennings’ heyday. For the record, I correctly guessed the answer to the question that ended the 74-game winning streak that won him over $2.5 million: “Most of this firm’s 70,000 seasonal white-collar employees work only four months a year.” The correct response was: “What is H&R Block?” Of course, a significant number of the questions he got right over the course of his record-breaking stint left me in the dust. In an impressive display of Tom’s ability to recall on demand every tidbit of information that has ever passed through his eyes or ears (it is because of this I had to enact a one-year statute of limitations on what he could bring up during arguments), Tom belted out one night, “Who are Shem and Ham?” in answer to “They were two of Noah’s sons.” I nearly fell off of the couch and landed smack on the floor next to my atheist husband’s feet. Last night, Tom again left an impression while we watched Teen Jeopardy. Sometimes we skip these special, less-challenging Jeopardy shows (like Celebrity Jeopardy, which SNL parodies because the questions are so lame), but last night Laura joined us in belting out answers, so we stayed tuned because we were getting a kick out of how she was imitating us and even getting an answer correct here and there. Finally, it was time for the final Jeopardy question, which was:

In 1994, 25 years after this event, one participant said, “For one crowning moment, we were creatures of the cosmic ocean.”

Without hesitating for an instant, as he typically does, Tom said he was ready with his answer. I thought for a moment and said that I had mine. Laura said she didn’t have a guess. We have a strict rule in our house, which is that you are not allowed to belt out the final Jeopardy answer until everyone has his or her guess or admits defeat. We were ready to announce. I said that my answer was the first walk on the moon. Tom said, “Oh. That’s good. That’s very good.” All three teens correctly guessed the same. Tom was unusually quiet. I asked him what his answer had been, and he sheepishly replied, “Woodstock.” I did little to try to contain my laughter and Tom laughed too. He rallied, saying that it was “cosmic ocean” that threw him. We agreed that Woodstock must have been some “cosmic ocean” indeed. Back in its time, it was probably even deemed out of this world, man, out of this world.

Laura:

Laura has been sick on and off for the last couple of weeks, and so we have had to lay low and cancel planned activities right and left. Laura and I are not stay-at-home-kind-of-girls. We like our outings and we really like them with friends. While my mental health has deteriorated, Laura’s emotional state has fluctuated between not caring to leave the couch and sobbing aloud when we’ve had to cancel plans because of fever or similar. For a few days there she seemed to be on the mend, but then woke up at 4:30 AM the night before last with a nearly 102º fever. There was another doctor visit the following day, and another will take place at the end of the week. There was more Motrin. There were more liquids. And there were more cancelled plans. Laura is fed up and I’m right there beside her. So last night, with her fever at 102.5º, she lay on the couch watching, as you may have guessed, Gilligan’s Island and The Brady Bunch. Between episodes, she picked up her feverish little head just long enough to avow, “Tomorrow I am GOING SOMEPLACE, ANYPLACE, BUT I’M NOT STAYING HOME!” And then her feverish little head immediately collapsed back onto her pillow.

Trish:

For the last month I have been dealing with a painful complication from my recent (benign) lumpectomy. At first because of the cord-like shape and position of a large, hard, and painful area in my right breast, the doctor thought that I had developed venous thrombophlebitis. However, a recent ultrasound revealed that it is actually a seroma, which may have to be drained, and may have to be drained more than once. Fun stuff. Meanwhile, the doctor said to treat my breasts as I would if I were nursing, i.e., wear a good bra to keep them stable so as not to further irritate the inflamed area. I know what you’re thinking, “There goes her pole dancing career,” but it will survive the temporary setback, I’m sure. 😉 Anywho, after my appointment, I was talking to Trish on the phone and she asked me what the ultrasound showed. I told her that rather than a blood clot, it seemed that I had a fluid-filled sac in my breast. Trish replied, “Now you can’t take that boob on an airplane.”

Voting:

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8 comments on “Last Comic Standing – The Final Three”

  1. Taking bombs on a plane might be more difficult with this potential airline security.

    I don’t think an image produced by x-ray of someone naked is a big deal especially when it could increase security. More importantly if this increases speed in addition to security then I’m all for it.

    As far as the comedy competition goes I think Laura wins because of the sick factor although I do agree with Tom about Woodstock being a cosmic ocean and my neighbors would most certainly agree.

  2. Well I can’t vote for Tom because I don’t think that is funny?! I mean I would have given the same answer! What’s so funny about that?

    And I can’t vote for myself – because I am just not funny and I don’t know why people keep telling me I am!?

    So I must vote for Pedro… err I mean LAURA! Because she really is without a doubt, The Best Comic – LAYING.

  3. At first I thought I was going to vote for Tom. Let’s face it. He’s fun to laugh at when he makes a mistake. Really. Mostly because he laughs along with us. But really, his was accidental comedy.

    Laura’s is just plain cute and Trish’s is extremely witty (I envy really witty people. I’d think of that line 3 days later!).

    All that said, I vote for Trish.

    Nance

  4. I think Trish may win.
    Dad says dumb stuff…a lot. I would have laughed AT him–not with him if I was there. But reading what the question was makes me laugh about what he said. I mean Dad was the one that told me about how clues to the answer are always in the question. How is Woodstock a “cosmic ocean”?

    Laura, however, may win too because she did get to go out of the house the next day. I am jealous that her fish may mate before my fish mate. That is of course if my fish ever do mate. (Another blog.) I feel Little’s pain, I do understand what it is like to not get to leave the house. Let’s just be real for a moment, it is so HOT here right now that we can’t do anything. And she is so cute and she has a personality. How could she not have a personality…she is my sister!

  5. I have to vote my conscience here because I always vote for the lesser of two evils and we can all attest to the fact that that gets us nowhere. Bush is STILL effing (that’s for the minor readers) up this planet and I could have voted for Nader as easily as for Kerry with the exact same results. But I digress.

    Ken Jennings is definitley the comic.

    By the way, what the hell is everyone ripping on Woodstock for? I would have been rolling in the cosmic mud with the best of ’em. Beats the hell out of listening to The Carpenters on the radio and pulling the lever for Nixon.;)

  6. dad is not that funny. trish was very funny, but because blood is thicker than water, i have to vote for laura.
    -kristen

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