Not so long ago, I fell down our stairs (well, five of them). My body made a thud as I hit the landing. Tom came running, and Laura called out from her bed.

Three weeks ago, I fell down after dropping off Laura and her friends at swim camp. Nobody saw me. When I picked them up after camp, I fell down again, in the exact same spot. That time all of the parents and kids leaving the camp saw me. At least I had helpers to pick up the contents of my purse, which had spilled all over the pavement during the fall.

Last week, I ran smack into a pole as I was leaving the grocery store. (I was walking, not driving.) A couple walking into the grocery store and Laura saw it happen. They laughed. I know. I should probably stay off of poles if I want to set a good example for my daughter.

Today I walked smack into a door frame, nose first. Tom heard the crack my nose made when it hit the door frame.

Tom: What happened?

Me: Ow, ow, ow! I walked right into the door frame and hit the bridge of my nose.

Tom: The bridge of your nose? Are you okay?

Me: It hurts! My eyes are watering!

Tom: You hit the bridge of your nose on the door frame?

Me: Yes! I’m seeing stars! Like in a cartoon!

Tom: There’s a mark on the bridge of your nose. [Editor’s Note: It’s really more of a gash. Heh.]

Me: It feels like it may be swelling, too!

Tom: Do you want me to get you some ice?

Me: No. I need to take a photo of it first to use in a blog post since I have nothing of substance in my brain these days.

Tom: How did your face get to the door before your feet anyway?

Me: I don’t even know. You’re just lucky I’m me. Otherwise, no one would believe the old “walked into a door” story and they’d think you did it. Hey! I’m going to hang on to the photos in case you ever try to leave me. They could come in handy.

I know, this photo is craptastic. I took it myself with my iPhone. If the swelling progresses or any bruising develops, I’ll get a better one with my camera. Just in case . . .

33 comments on “It’s No Wonder I Have Nothing of Substance in My Brain These Days”

  1. You poor thing. I once slammed into a pole at the kids’ school, and nearly knocked myself out. (Some poor child screamed: ‘Lady! Are you okay?)

    I wasn’t. I had a goose egg for weeks.

    Is your balance wonky or is this bad luck? I’m beginning to worry about you…

  2. I actually fell UP the stairs 3 times (once carrying coffee, and once carrying coffee AND cereal!) at my last house and down once. How do you fall UP the stairs!

    We should stay away from stairs, ledges, curbs, poles, inclines, and now, doorways too…

  3. I’m so sorry. My stumbles are fortunately limited to hip, thigh & ankle smacks so the bruises (and my lack of coordination) aren’t as obvious.

    See if you can find a hot neurologist to check you for balance issues…

  4. OUCH! You okay, Darlin’? You need anything? You go straight to that lovely dining room there and get some wine and then just in the living area and relax!

    Also, if you sit on your ass all day at the coffee house (like I do), there is no chance of falling! This is definitely what I recommend!

    And your eyes are gorgeous! 🙂

  5. I hope this is a simple case of clutz but I can’t help but wonder whether there’s a medical reason for it too ~ too much salt or caffeine?

  6. Perhaps you should start wearing a bike helmet at all times. Would Adam think that was sexy? Would it be setting a good example for Laura?
    And do you have a hawt nose doctor?

    Like Lisa, I am a little worried about you, despite the laughter you just heard all the way across the country.

  7. I think a helmet is definitely in order here.

    Either that, or you should remain safely ensconced (how the hell do you spell that?) in a comfy bed while everyone waits on you hand and foot. I heard Adam Lambert looks hawt in a butler’s uniform. You want me to call him?

  8. you still look damn good.

    i have a theory. i think it’s the toe thing that’s throwing you off balance. and so i think? that you need to go to the foot doctor. (and this? is why you love me.)

  9. Poor baby! You keep knocking your brains out! I run into stuff all the time, I just never remember. I see bruises on my body and think, “Hmmm, wonder how I got that?”

  10. What’s up with that? Misfortune seems to travel in 3’s. I haven’t fallen in a long time, but a couple years ago I did an amazing face-plant on a sidewalk in Greenwich Village. Later that year my shoe slipped on a droplet of water on the shiny pavement of a parking garage, and I went down like a beetle on its back.

    Take care of yourself, Girly!

  11. one morning a few years ago, i was jogging in the early morning after a storm. i stumbled over a large branch in the road (how didn’t i see that?) and fell. i broke my wrist (i had to get a plate installed to fic it). but what really scared me most was i had blood running down my face. it was just a deep cut in the eyebrow (i got stitches!), but it freaked me out because i thought i lost an eye.

  12. I sometimes think I have superhuman peripheral vision, but I really just react to shadows and tend to avoid non-things I think I see, which then leads me to bump my head on an actual thing.

    Take care of your poor nose.

  13. Okay, I just laughed my head off. I have been out of the blogosphere for a while and I am so glad that I came by. Sorry about your nose, but thanks for the laugh. the part that cracked me up the most was the part about “get the camera so I can blog this!”

  14. I hope you’re okay and it was just a “bad day”. (Nursey me worries about things like DM, MS, ocular… etc.)

    Saying a prayer you remain unbruised and unbattered for a week or so. And if you must get battered, make it the fluffy white cake kind.

    Take care!

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