I swear every morning when I’m helping Laura find something to wear to school that I’m going to clean out her closet later that day.
But then I have coffee with Trish.
Or I eat a frozen protein bar (which is almost like a frozen Snickers bar) (not really) (but frozen) (and chocolate-y) (and frozen).
wander around looking for good stuff to buy at pick up cleaning supplies at Target.
Or I catch up on
Nurse Jackie episodes important errands.
Or I email back and forth with Kate forty-seven times in thirty minutes about anything that doesn’t have to do with cleaning out closets.
Or I watch Harry Connick Jr. on Oprah, and then email back and forth with Kate forty-seven times in thirty minutes about Harry Connick Jr. (Except that for the Harry Connick Jr. part I may or may not be emailing back and forth with myself since Kate isn’t answering because she’s at work probably, like, working. Whatever.)
I know. It’s so unlike me to have a crush on a man who isn’t wearing eyeliner, huh?
(me thinking of Exhibits A and B):
Harry Connick Jr. is really dreamy and I emailed Kate to tell her that I totally want to have sex with him, except not just sex. I would totally like to go to a country fair with him, eat caramel apples, drink lemonade, and then have a picnic lunch in a nearby meadow. Only then would I have sex with him, but under the picnic blanket because I have stretch marks.
But then I felt sort of guilty thinking about having a crush on Harry Connick Jr. because from what he said to Oprah he seems to really love his wife and three daughters, and I’m married to a man who seems to really love his wife and three daughters.
So I’m better off having crushes on men who wear eyeliner because I don’t have to feel guilty about that.
Also, when I emailed Kate the part about having sex with Harry Connick Jr. under a picnic blanket? I almost accidentally sent it to the wife of the pastor of my church whose name is also Kate.
(Photos of Harry Connick Jr.
on whom it is inappropriate for me to have a crush, and Adam Lambert & Captain Jack Sparrow on whom it is perfectly acceptable for me to have a crush courtesy of Google Images.)