Dear katydidnot:

Remember how I fell in love with your ponytail and you fell in love with my pool? Remember how we talked about staging a coup and ousting my current spouse so we could totally take over the house? Remember how we emailed each other about getting married and living happily ever after with the kids, the ponytail, and the pool?

I am sorry to inform you that recent events have compelled me to issue an advisory. It turns out that it may not be in our best interests after all for us to plan a merger of our best interests.

Remember how I opined that opposites attract? And how I suggested that we would balance each other? We’d be all yin and yang. We’d be all sunrise and sunset. We’d be all proton and neutron. We’d be all Rhoda Morgenstern and Mary Richards. Remember? And there was proof. Remember?

You’re HP. I’m Mac.

You’re spontaneous. I plan for every contingency.

You drop cupcakes. A cupcake in my hands would be shoved down my throat too fast for that.

You lose your keys. I know where to find every scrap of paper upon which I ever jotted a number.

You bash up your car. I have a perfect driving . . . what?

You know how I just boasted posted about my perfect driving record? Well. Karma? She’s a bitch.

Love, Blog This Mom!

P.S. I also left my car keys sitting on Tom’s car yesterday. This morning, after Tom left for the gym? I found my keys a half a mile away in the middle of a Very Busy Road. There were no survivors.

Karma? Turns out she’s a bitch with a sense of humor.

P.P.S. And that metal pole by the pump at that busy gas station on Saturday? The little effer totally jumped out and bashed itself into my car. Without warning. Oh yes it did.

41 comments on “Have You Ever Broken Up With Someone On Your Blog?”

  1. I am also amazed you found those keys — have you ever had to replace the automatic ones, they’re such a pain!

    And yes, that’s what you get for saying (writing) it out loud. It happens to ma all the time. 😉

  2. A boast is as good as an I dare you to the karma gods. Sorry about that pole – I’ve done that once before and still haven’t heard the end of it from my darling husband.

  3. You are so funny. Thanks for the laugh! You know I needed it!

    Sorry about the damn pole jumping out of nowhere and banging up your car! What a pain in the ass!

    You have such a great sense of humor about it all, though, but I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the time!

    I love your creative genius!

  4. frick.

    double frick.

    but still…seriously…tom can have my house, it’s, like, 8 min. to his office and we can live in your awesome house with the pool and have matching dented cars.

    and as the resident expert about such things as ponytail karma and things you say coming back to bite you in the ass? my only advice is to get a good blog post out of it. check.

  5. At the rate you two are going, pretty soon you will be on the same “cycle” and then, whoo boy, that’s going to be fun to

    This was really a touching post…so if this split is permanent…can I have her BitchHer bag??
    (either that or could I be SueAnn Nivens…thnk about it!!)

  6. I am SO glad that you and Jaime are keeping Miss Karma busy because we don’t want her kind around here. Seriously.

    I once backed out of my garage and hit my sister’s car with my car. I just hate those things that jump RIGHT IN YOU WAY while you’re trying to drive.

  7. Damn those inanimate objects that jump out and bash into our cars.
    And double-damn those people whose car doors scrape ours. Just found two scrapes on my (newish) car.

    But don’t let your car woes break up what seems like a perfect twosome!

  8. I’m more like katydidnot than you which means I’d get along with you better LMAO!

    I left my Dad’s keys on top of my car the other day…they fared far better than your husband’s did!

    clink clink clink

    My friend and I looked at each other…what the hell? OH! KEYS!!!

    Love the smiley metal pole 🙂

  9. So sorry about your car! I have actually backed into my neighbor across the street, as we were both leaving the house at the same time. (I was going for donuts first thing in the morning) I looked both ways, but dang I forgot to look straight back. It was a small fender bender, both at fault. Not much damage to cars, just ego!

  10. Ah, that is a bummer … such a beautiful car too!

    You know, Katy and I have split garages (perpendicular). We also leave the house at about the same time. I think you see where this is going …

    One morning we are both in a rush and leave the house inacting that Edward Scissorhands movie and *crunch* I back into the side of her car. A two-for-one special for our household!

    Now we have a morning ritual when leaving the house at the same time: “After you” … “No no, after you, I insist” … “I wouldn’t think of it, after you my dear”

  11. I saw this title and my heart contracteth within me — for fear it was your response to meeting me in person! *mops brow in relief* Of course, now I’m just all jealous of katydidnot and vow to wear a ponytail next time I’m in SoCal.

    Thanks for making the drive!

  12. Why is Karma such a player hater? Why does she always have to hate on everybody. I hate behaving myself. It’s so FREAKING BORING!!!

    *gnashing teeth to keep from pissing karma off prior to real estate closing*

  13. Oh crap. I’ve seen that same pole jump out and hit my car. Only it wasn’t a pole. It was a Mercedes. And it hit the front of my car onto it’s rear bumper if you can believe the nerve. Sheez.

  14. Hi Cheri-

    You’re a great writer, I must say. I’ve been browsing through your blog a bit, and I’ve sure enjoyed it.

    Thanks for stopping by The Jason Show and saying hello. I’ve seen your photo on lots of comment sections. Nice to finally connect!

Lurkers are welcome. Commenters are welcomer.