Remember how I fell in love with your ponytail and you fell in love with my pool? Remember how we talked about staging a coup and ousting my current spouse so we could totally take over the house? Remember how we emailed each other about getting married and living happily ever after with the kids, the ponytail, and the pool?
I am sorry to inform you that recent events have compelled me to issue an advisory. It turns out that it may not be in our best interests after all for us to plan a merger of our best interests.
Remember how I opined that opposites attract? And how I suggested that we would balance each other? We’d be all yin and yang. We’d be all sunrise and sunset. We’d be all proton and neutron. We’d be all Rhoda Morgenstern and Mary Richards. Remember? And there was proof. Remember?
You’re HP. I’m Mac.
You’re spontaneous. I plan for every contingency.
You drop cupcakes. A cupcake in my hands would be shoved down my throat too fast for that.
You lose your keys. I know where to find every scrap of paper upon which I ever jotted a number.
You bash up your car. I have a perfect driving . . . what?
You know how I just
boasted posted about my perfect driving record? Well. Karma? She’s a bitch.
Love, Blog This Mom!
P.S. I also left my car keys sitting on Tom’s car yesterday. This morning, after Tom left for the gym? I found my keys a half a mile away in the middle of a Very Busy Road. There were no survivors.
Karma? Turns out she’s a bitch with a sense of humor.
P.P.S. And that metal pole by the pump at that busy gas station on Saturday? The little effer totally jumped out and bashed itself into my car. Without warning. Oh yes it did.