Laura was very chatty one afternoon, and Kristen had been patiently listening and answering questions for quite a while.

Kristen: [sighs]

Laura: “Kristen, why don’t you want to talk to me?”

Kristen: “It’s not what you’re saying, it’s the amount.”

_____________________________

Adam and Cheri were sitting at the kitchen table with their Mac laptops open.

Cheri: “Dang it. My Mac just ran out of battery.”

Adam [unplugging his laptop and holding out his power cord]: “Have some Apple juice.”

_____________________________

Cheri was on the phone planning lunch with Bryce at his summer job at Google.

Cheri: Just give me the address of your building and I can download a map.

Bryce: Or you can just Google Google.

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We were at our hotel getting ready to go to Disneyland.

Cheri: “You’re wearing Hannah Montana crocs, a Mickey t-shirt, a Tink hat, a Minnie Mouse necklace, and you want to wear a pirate necklace too?”

Laura: “I’m trying to have on as many Disney features as possible.”

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Laura was sitting quietly in the back seat of the car holding Cheri’s new cell phone. Kristen was sitting in the front seat, looking in the rear-view mirror, trying to remove something from her eye, when Kristen’s cell phone beeped with an incoming text message.

The text message on Kristen’s cell phone from Cheri’s cell phone said: “What is in your eye?”

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Cheri was sitting at the kitchen table with wet hair and no makeup. Kristen pointed the camera at her and Cheri quickly covered her face with her hands.

Kristen: “Mom, you look like one of those women on Cops just as she’s about to take off running barefoot through a trailer park.”

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Every night, Cheri sings “Amazing Grace” to Laura and scratches her back before Laura goes to sleep. During the song one recent night:

Cheri [singing]: “How precious did that grace appear, the hour . . .”

Laura [sleepily]: “Mommy, I’ve gotta have more cowbell.”

Click here for SNL’s “Bruce Dickinson’s Gotta Have More Cowbell” skit with Blue Oyster Cult, Will Farrell, and Christopher Walken. I couldn’t embed it, but it’s worth the click if you haven’t seen it (or haven’t seen it lately).

32 comments on “Family Dynamics: From the Fly on the Wall”

  1. Apple juice. Why didn’t of that? (‘Cause Adam is smarter than me. Dang it.)

    YOU couldn’t look trailer trash of you had “Billy Bob” tattooed on your forearm, a ciggy in your mouth, and 7 dirty-diapered babies rolling around in dog filth. YOU are far too lovely.

  2. Being a fly on the wall is one of the perks of parenting.
    One of my kids sent a text message to his brother from the bathroom! (I didn’t ask what the message said…)

  3. omg that last one just sent me over the edge LMAO!!!

    If I were to do one of these on my blog it would look like this:

    Dad: mumble, mumble, feel good, mumble mumble.

    me: Dad, I CAN’T.HEAR.YOU!!! Did you say you don’t feel good??

    Dad: mumble, mumble, feel good, mumble, mumble.

    me: DAD!!! I don’t understand what you’re saying, are you ok?

    Dad: total silence.

    It’s soooooooooo fun to be me. (He’s got Parkinson’s and one of the lovely symptoms of that disease is soft talking).

  4. I’d like to borrow Laura too….my two boys are…well…boys…not. a lot. of talking going on unless there’s like a full moon or the topic is bugs/beetles/Pokemon!!!

    Oh yeah…”more cowbell”…funny every flippin’ time I watch it!!

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