What was Jenn thinking? I’m starting to get the feeling that she likes bitch slaps. And why wouldn’t she? Jenn won the first one.

Bitch Slap:

Jenn posted a picture of her Christmas tree, which looked like mine, at first glance. But anyone could see that the free ornament that came with our National Lampoon’s Chrismas Vacaction DVD and the ornaments we made from toilet paper rolls were not the same as Jenn’s. Jenn’s Christmas tree has dough ornaments blah blah blah and snow babies whatever and themed yada yada yada. And so Jenn had to answer in Blogger Bitch Slap: Cheri versus Jenn. Jenn won, if you’re into tasteful decor and stuff. Cheri licked her wounds and then “rallied,” so to speak and as you shall see.

Bitch Slap 2:

Jenn has posted another picture. And because of it, Jenn and Cheri gotta go another round. No Jason, still no mud or bikinis. We’s old bitches, so mud and bikinis would not be a positive experience for anyone.

It all started when I asked Jenn to post a picture of the dress she wore to a recent Christmas party. A simple request, one would think. But did she do it? No. What did she do instead? Posted a photo of her toenails, that’s what. WTFrick? Her toenails? Did she do this to taunt me? Because I know there is a secret message just for me buried in every one of Jenn’s posts. She is code talking to me all the time. I’m sure of it. They make medication for people who think things like this, don’t they?

First my toe was red and infected, and I was suffering. Then my toe turned Elphaba green, and I was suffering. And then I had Papa Smurf blue toe when that smokin’ hawt doctor had to remove my toenail, and I was suffering except for the part about the hawt doctor. He removed the entire toenail. It hurt real bad. I couldn’t wear shoes for almost two weeks. And it rained. In Southern California. My feet were cold. All of the time. In Southern California. Fo’ realz.

So instead of a photo of Jenn in her Christmas party dress, she posted a photo of her Christmas party big toenail. Her big toenail, still attached to her toe, all pedicured and painted for Christmas. This isn’t even in secret code or anything. It’s pretty blatant that she’s talkin’ to me. Are you talkin’ to me? Medication time.

Jenn, Jenn, Jenn, Jenn, I see your Merry Christmas mistletoe- and snowflake- and holly-painted toenail and raise you one formerly red, green, and blue toenail-less toe, now with a custom rally racing stripe. Unless you’re Deb or kcinnova or my brother-in-law, do not click on the photo for a close-up.

I think we all agree the score is now:

Jenn – 1, Cheri – 1.


P.S. From one San Diego Blog Bitch to another, it must be said: Cute shoes, Jenn!

33 comments on “Bitch Slap 2: Including Toe Photo”

  1. OK. That’s it. I am going to say it. Enough of the toe shots. My eyes are burning. It looks as though you have been wearing some CRUEL SHOES! Get a new pair of uggs.

  2. Way to give it to her!

    I sympathize with your big toenail…I lost mine during the summer! I contemplated fake nails as well and decided to go with My Little Pony Band-Aids all summer long.

  3. I clicked for the close-up! (As you knew I would.) I just love infectious stuff. I think I was a petri dish in a former life. Or the scientist who studied what was in the petri dish. (Let’s go with the latter. It’s more illustrious.)

    Anyway! I love that Trish invoked the Cruel Shoes. Funniest Steve Martin essay ever.

  4. Remember how you said I was your long lost sister? And, remember how I said I thought that was true because I did probably grow up in a junk drawer? I am rethinking it now. There’s no way I could be related to that toe. Sorry.

    By the way, I do sympathize with your pain. I lost my toenail (on the little piggy that had roast beef) last weekend during my drunken good time. Somehow I think it got caught up in the blankets while having HAWT green beans and it was missing when I woke up.

  5. I had no idea what I started. And all because my son was too cool to be bothered with actually holding the camera steady as he took a picture.

    Your toe? My husband’s toe? Have a lot in common. Though he doesn’t go to the Dr. anymore–he just digs it out himself and pours hydrogen peroxide over it. Hawt? Definitely not.

    I think I need to buy your toe a prosthetic toenail for Christmas.

    Hmmm, what shall round 3 be?Nothing to do with bathing suits because your skinny bitch ass would win hands down. In fact, I forfeit that one in advance!

  6. We could have a gross photo contest. I have one of a dead rat.

    Oh, no wait. No I don’t. I don’t have any photos, my computer died.


  7. I think Jenn’s code talking to you too. She might be trying to make you think you’re (shhhh) crazy (shhhhh).

    I clicked on the toe shot. It’s much worse than I ever imagined. I had a relative who was addicted to Demerol injections and that’s where she did it. Under her big toenail – I swear. And they had to remove HER big toenail too.

    Is there something you need to share with the group?

  8. Virginia: Same thing happens when one drives by a car accident. It’s so hard not to look.

    Csquaredplus3: The more I get to know you, the more I like you. But seriously? I do not recommend injections in the toe. Even from a hawt doctor. Ouch.

    Janet: I do not like my bunions. At all. And? I totally considered Photoshopping it out. Totally. Either with the clone tool or cropping. I thought of it. Totally. Also? I should have applied lotion before taking the picture. My feet look dry.

  9. “I’m kcinnova and I approve of this photo.” Okay, I’m weird, so sue me. (Wait, scratch that from the record. I forgot I was talking to someone who went to law school!)
    If you had showed this toe to me in person, I would have Freaked.Out. But from the distance of a computer monitor, it’s a rockin’ cool toe, Cheri. (Can I blame my fascination on being married to an RN?)
    So what is your toe sporting these days? It’s rainy and 39 degrees here, so you’d be in socks and shoes.

  10. The comments on this post- all of them- are nearly as funny as the post itself.

    The toe? Wow. The nurse in me had to look at it up close. It appears to be healing nicely. But it does still look sore.

  11. okay…so seriously…that’s a nasty looking toe, but…not as bad as what we know is out there…and no, i didn’t click on the photo…though i might later, you know, ’cause i can.

    and yeah…i’m voting for you on this round. jenn totally whipped out the ‘superior dance’ on you girlfriend….and she said it wasn’t her fault that picture was taken…riiiiiight.
    (you have to so careful around those bitches who seem so nice and are so cute, huh?!)

    {{big ass hugs to you}}

  12. No mud and no bikinis? Then, how about at least some sports bras, boxing gloves, and a boxing ring?

    I think you’ve become very dependent on your toe being all messed up. . . so much to write about! What ever will you do when it gets all better?

    Looking forward to the next bitch slap!

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