We have a winner, yo. I ran the number of comments on my last post through my transmogrifier, and number 25 was the winner. Congratulations Kelly at The Glass Dragonfly. You win a Save the Ta-Tas car magnet. I highly recommend that you don’t drive anywhere near a Volvo dealer with it on your car. Those guys are known criminals.
In other news, a certain person, who may or may not be named Stu, felt mislead by the title of my last post, “Breast Talk, Including a Covertly Taken Photo,” thinking for some odd reason that the covertly taken photo would be a photo of breasts. I can’t imagine why. However, I would never want it said that I was in any way misleading, so here are some photographs of my actual breasts:
Now can we move on from breast photos to breast talk?
On Monday, September 14, I posted a promise that I would call that day to make a follow-up mammogram appointment because my reminder card said appointments could only be made on M, W, or F. My doctor’s office prefers to do the scheduling of mammograms with the breast center (in the same building), so the mammogram and office visit can occur on the same day.
I called my doctor at 4 PM on Monday, September 14.
Gloria* told me she’d call me back on Wednesday because the breast center closed at 4 PM.
Gloria did not call back on Wednesday.
I called Gloria on Friday.
Gloria said the doctor’s computer scheduling system was down until the following Tuesday, and she’d call me back then.
I said that I thought the breast center was closed on Tuesdays, and Gloria said, “Oh, yeah,” and that she’d call back on the following Wednesday.
I was concerned that after she forgot the Wednesday before, maybe Wednesdays weren’t good for Gloria and another week would go by.
So, I asked if I could just call the breast center directly and make my own mammogram appointment, and then I would call back the following Tuesday and let Gloria know when it was.
Then Gloria and I wrangled a bit because my reminder card said “bilateral” (and I knew it is supposed to be), but Gloria thought the mammogram was only supposed to be for my left breast.
My right breast and I prevailed.
Gloria said to give her ten minutes to fax the order to the breast center.
An hour and a half later the order was faxed.
I made an appointment with the breast center for the mammogram. Both sides.
I called Gloria back that same day (still Friday) and told her that although I knew that the doctor’s computer scheduling system was down, I could give her the mammogram date, if she wanted it, so she could put it in her schedule when the computer system was up again.
Gloria said that would be great.
I gave her the date.
Gloria said that date wouldn’t work with the doctor’s schedule.
I did not ask how she knew that if the scheduling system was down.
Y’all, I’ve had some therapy and some trial advocacy training and three daughters (two of whom are grown). It’s a matter of asking the right question, you see.
So I asked, “What date would work?”
Gloria gave me the preferred date and I called the breast center to see if that was open. It wasn’t.
I called Gloria back to get a couple more options. One of them worked with the breast center.
I rescheduled the mammogram.
I called Gloria back and gave her the date.
Gloria said she put it in the doctor’s computer schedule (you know, the one that was supposed to be down until Tuesday).
And so, one week later, and several telephone calls, I have a mammogram and follow-up doctor appointments scheduled early next month.
On Wednesday of this week the breast center called me to see if I wanted an earlier appointment date.
Heck no. Gloria, my left breast, my right breast, and I finally have our schedules straight.
So, now I must ask . . .
Do you have a breast cancer detection plan? Are you current? And if you, you, you, you, or Stu is reading this, are your loved ones current?
I know the pain isn’t just having your breasts prodded, marked with a Sharpie, and smashed between cold metal plates.
Just scheduling the dang thing is a pain.
But you have to do it.
Or I’ll pursue you.
You know I will.
You know who you are.
If you want me off your back leave me a comment or send me an email that you’ve felt yourself up and that your appointment is scheduled.
That is all.
*Gloria was named Gloria to protect the innocent.